What's stopping you?
- Chiara Moscardini
- Oct 9, 2019
- 6 min read
As women our relationship with the outdoors can be very different to that of men. Whilst historically there have been some incredible females trailblazers, traditionally, outdoor activities have been viewed as the domain of men. With more and more women getting outdoors, this is changing, however there is still a significant imbalance. Countless articles have been written on this subject; outdoor companies and clothing manufacturers have carried out numerous surveys with women across the world to find out what’s stopping them from accessing the wilderness. In reality each woman’s barriers are different. Mine are something that I have kept hidden from the world, including those closest to me, for a long time. But it is in identifying barriers and sharing them with others that we can work together to break them down so my hope is that in opening up about mine, I can continue to fight the obstacles in my way, alongside other women facing their own.
I wish that I could say that I am one of those incredibly strong women who knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. I try to give off the impression that I am but really I’m not, or at least I haven’t been until now. I have spent my life caving to societal pressures, whilst outwardly appearing the kind of woman who fights these pressures. The truth is these have dominated many of the decisions I have made in my life and have prevented me from getting what I truly want out of life. Where this has had the biggest impact on me is in my career and my relationship with the outdoors.
Despite growing up in the city, ever since I was a child I have always wanted to spend my life in the outdoors. My dad was a hillwalker and climber so most of our holidays were spent in different parts of Scotland, with his outdoor buddies and their families, traipsing up hills behind him. These times are some of my favourite memories and were the start of a love for the outdoors that has never left me.
I continued hillwalking and began rock climbing in my teens and when it came to choosing a career after high school, outdoor education was right at the top of my list. But something stopped me. Now I find it embarrassing to admit, at 17 years old I decided not to pursue a career in outdoor education because it would take me away from the city and the boy I liked at the time. If I could go back in time I would scream at my 17 year old self for this decision. I did not pursue my dreams because of a boy, one who eventually ended up cheating on me with my best friend. You would have thought that this would have taught me to make decisions for myself and not for others, but somehow it didn’t.
I took some time out before starting university, moving to my family’s hometown in Italy where I met another boy. During this time I decided that I would move back to the UK to study sports science. I had my heart set on Bangor University, in the heart of Snowdonia. Whilst it may not have been the start of a career in outdoor education, it was definitely the ideal place for me to develop my outdoor skills! My Italian boyfriend and I agreed to keep our relationship going long distance, but getting flights to Italy from Bangor wasn’t an easy task and so I made another huge life decision based on a guy. I decided to go to university in London, where my boyfriend and I could easily hop on a plane back and forth to see each other at least once a fortnight. However, this also meant no easy access to the outdoors, as well as a change in course to study primary teaching with physical education. This decision would put me on the track that would become my life until this day.
After three years I split up with Italian boyfriend, now in my 20s and a qualified primary teacher.
Within the next few years I met and fell in love with the man who would become my husband, Scott. My life became what many would see as perfect. I worked teaching children with additional support needs, my husband a firefighter. He was my best friend, seriously handsome and knew how to make me smile and laugh no matter what my mood. I started to rediscover my love for the outdoors and luckily, Scott found his. Our outdoor interests were different but that didn’t matter. Scott would go gold-panning in the burns and brooks around Scotland, while I would take our dog Lacey into the hills above them. This satisfied us both, and we were both incredibly happy.
However, the deeper I went into the hills, the more I found I craved and needed them. Those mountains would consume me and it started to feel like the odd day here and there was never enough. Days out would become longer, eventually turning into full weekends. I desperately wanted to live closer to the hills where I wouldn’t need to wait until the weekends to climb them.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t a possibility or a desire for Scott and arguments started to pepper our otherwise ideal life. I decided to work towards my outdoor qualifications in the hope that finally working in the outdoors would satisfy my hunger for the mountains, starting with my Summer Mountain Leader training. Scott was completely supportive of this however it still took me some years to muster the courage to finally do my training. So many things stopped me from getting started. I had a crazily heavy workload which impacted on my free time (and my sanity), I made this worse for myself by almost never being able to say ‘no’ to extra work or training that came my way. I worried about my speed, my knowledge, if my weight would hold me back. As I entered my 30s these issues were dwarfed by a much bigger barrier- my desire to have children. Scott and I really wanted children however I worried about being able to work through my qualifications or start an outdoor career at the same time as starting a family. I put off doing my training whilst we started to try for kids.
However, as the months creeped by, with no positive ever appearing on that stick, I started to think about what I would want out of life if it turned out that children weren’t in the stars for us. I was putting my life on hold for something that may or may not actually happen for us. The thought of my life passing me by in this way was terrifying enough to finally push me into action. I realised if I didn’t start working towards my dreams now, I might never. In summer 2018 I finally completed my Summer Mountain Leader training and I am now working towards my assessment.
I absolutely loved every minute of my training and the time developing and consolidating the skills and knowledge gained in the run up to assessment. It has confirmed that this is what I want to be doing with my life and I am already logging days towards International Mountain Leader and Winter Mountain Leader qualifications and my Rock Climbing Instructor qualification.
15 years after first realising that this is the path I wanted to take, I am finally on my way. I know that I’m only on the first step and I have a really long way to go but at least I know that I am going in the right direction. However, there are still some big unknowns. I don’t know whether children of my own will find their way onto my path, what my life will look like or where I will live or work. That scares me a bit but not as much as the thought of life passing me by without working towards my outdoor dreams.
Breaking down my barriers later than I would have liked has been difficult but I’m excited for the future. However these are my personal obstacles and one of my goals is to support others in breaking down their own so that they too can experience all the joys and benefits that come with being outside, whether in the hills, on the cliffs or in the lochs. Each woman who wants to get outdoors but can’t is likely facing their own challenges. These can be overcome but what we need for this is support to encourage woman to get outside, as well as real life role models who can demonstrate what women, from a variety of backgrounds and circumstances, can achieve. We don’t all need to work in the outdoors to get the most out of it but we do need to be in it. So if you’re not getting out in the way that you want, it’s worth asking yourself, ‘What’s stopping you?’ because identifying the problem is the first step to finding the solution.
Instagram: chiara.moscardini
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